托福：20分上下的作文改哪里，才能成為滿分范文

　　我們依舊貼心的把一些開篇提到的要點(diǎn)總結(jié)出來(lái)啦：

　　✎ 字?jǐn)?shù)問題

　　寫多少字先別在意，先保證自己30分鐘能寫全。

　　不要把某一個(gè)段落寫的超級(jí)無(wú)敵長(zhǎng)。

　　字?jǐn)?shù)不能帶來(lái)高分，寫的好才能帶來(lái)高分。

　　啰嗦是字?jǐn)?shù)太多的罪魁禍?zhǔn)祝绕涫锹犃υ胶玫耐瑢W(xué)，他們聽到的信息點(diǎn)越多，越容易啰嗦，那么平時(shí)要有意提高自己的整合信息能力哦。

　　✎ 立場(chǎng)選擇

　　今天的這類“同意不同意”類型的題，你寫“同意”、“不同意”、“中立”都是可以的。但要注意，有些題目，選擇中立立場(chǎng)不會(huì)特別好寫。

　　✎ 邏輯展開

　　主體段落基本都是遵循“1個(gè)topic sentence+1個(gè)例子+1個(gè)總結(jié)”。大的結(jié)構(gòu)要知道，然后就是重頭戲——展開方式啦。

　　對(duì)比、分類列舉都屬于常用的展開方式了。不管用哪種寫法，都一定要細(xì)致，具體。我們選擇“不同意的立場(chǎng)”舉例說明下：

　　對(duì)比：現(xiàn)在有各種外賣軟件，比如XXX，可以直接送到家門口。而過去我們只能出門買飯。

　　分類列舉：在“食”這個(gè)方面，我們可以通過手機(jī)軟件訂外賣，不用再花時(shí)間出門買了;在“行”這個(gè)方面，我們外出旅游、辦公，不帶現(xiàn)金都敢出門了，有XXX/XXX等“無(wú)幣支付”模式，讓付款變得更方便了。

　　范文如下

　　▽

　　開頭段：Nowadays, the prosperity of modern technology is being exhibited in almost all corners of society. No one shall deny the powerful role technology plays. Recently, a controversial issue was put forward, suggesting that technology actually makes life more complicated. However, as far as I am concerned, life has definitely become much more comfortable and convenient due to technology development.

　　主體段1：To begin with, advanced technology has made it easier for people to study. Thanks to the tremendous impacts of the information age, numerous sources of education are provided through network and mass media. The advancement in technological development such as computers and smart phones have brought easier access for the public to acquire knowledge and receive better education. With simple clicks of the mouse, the learning process could begin and run smoothly. Internet has created opportunities for all people to realize portable and customized education. For instance, useful reading materials could be downloaded and installed in portable digital readers. People no longer have to borrow printed book from library or purchase pile of heavy books from bookstores. Reading has become more convenient, and reading experience has improved as well.

　　主體段2：In addition, with technology development, communications between people are more convenient than ever. In addition to the traditional methods like making phone calls and sending letters or postcards by mail, new technology has brought forth many efficient channels that can help strengthen friendships across distance. For instance, among all the helpful online communication tools being developed recently is the one called WeChat. It is an app posing a great impact on our lives. Any WeChat user can send text and voice message, images or videos for free. They can also have voice or video conversations or conferences with this app. Faraway friends or family members can be reached handily at any time. They can even see each other through video chatting. In this way, the development in technology allows people to transcend the barriers of time and distance, making our life simpler and easier.

　　主體段3：Admittedly, by taking advantage of the Internet, more high-tech crimes may appear, such as credit card fraud and online robbery. All these venomous behaviors considerably harm people’s interests and social security. However, as the society progresses, the government would attach greater importance on these social problems. More relevant laws and regulations would be enacted and executed by the government to stop cyber and high-tech crimes. Thus, the merits of technology far exceed its defects.

　　結(jié)尾段：To conclude, concerning all the details mention above, there is every reason to believe that technology makes our life simpler rather than more complicated.

　　(注：此篇是童老師在學(xué)員原文基礎(chǔ)上進(jìn)行的修改版~)

　　公眾號(hào)：純青教育

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