編者按：歷史教育是對現代教育的拷問，關于是否保留之前的教育的問題是一直困擾著廣大教育工作者的。

　　Comments: The background and your thesis statement, I need commend cos you really did simple, clear and generality as I said. But, there is a small tip about your “each of supporters”, that is unspecific cos u did not point out or state supporter of what, u know what I mean?

　　Comments:

　　1. I really like your capacity to imitate my ways of writing, cos I ve seen many times u use model in yourfirst topic sentence. If have to point some shortages, u can use job hunting tosubstitute your “ to find employment”, that is it.

　　2. Have u read your work afterfinishing? “will also find it hard to find jobs”? two finds are too unnecessary and twist the tongue, so, to keep it fluent.

　　3. Grammatically, there are few positions need employees? Where is your subject (that) to describe positions inobject cause?

　　4. Your summary is too unrelated and cliché, u know definitely that is it, but this sentence u writeworks nothing just repeat your view before.

　　5. Big question, this paragraphis too verbose cos I can use too sentence to express all u said as follow:

　　“One accepted statement is that learning history cannot help students with job shunting. This means that in the labor markets, there is little jobs related to history”

　　Comments:

　　1. Too much ands

　　2. Which enables….

　　3. Good topic sentence, notgood explanations.

　　Comments:

　　1. Maybe it is my question, I cant distinguish what difference between this paragraph and the last.

　　Comments:

　　1. No one said that learning history cannot create a fortune for people. Never be extreme and keep objective when u do acadmic works.

　　我的范文：

　　There has been controversial issue whether history should be added in the schoolings, supporters of each standpoint both have sufficient arguments. However, history course, in my opinion, is an indispensable part of schooling.

　　One accepted statement is that learning history cannot help students with jobs hunting. This implies that in the labor markets, there is little jobs related to history. Hence, this subject might be unpractical. In addition,everything occurs based on an existing background, or say, time, place, characters and so on. It means that some historical events cannot keep up with times thereby working with little effect. Keeping abreast of the times is needed for new generation in many fields.

　　Another group of people is firmly convinced that learning historycan sharpen critical thinking and decision-making capacity. The remark “historyis like a mirror” fully justify the implication of history. People can assess many events correctly with historical comparison. For example, economists and politicians need make monetary policies or laws to maintain economic growth against history. 2007-08 subprime crisis could be deemed as a good example.

　　From my perspective, there are two advantages of learning history. First, history can enrich one’s spiritual life. Many historical events are educational, this is also why costume piece is welcomed extensively. Second, history can help people form a sense of national pride. Generally, the history of tough life is capable of cherishing life in the future.

　　In conclusion, although learning history brings about limitation to personal employment and easily makes people out of date. People can enhance critical thinking and decision-making capacity via historical comparison. More importantly, spiritual enjoyment and a sense of national pride could be brought via learning history.

　　作者| Lynn

　　公眾號： 雅思寫作王

　　本文為原創(chuàng)文章，版權歸作者所有，未經授權不得轉載!