風(fēng)趣幽默英語(yǔ)故事

　　幽默故事，能讓你在信手翻啟間開(kāi)懷一笑，得到身心的徹底放松、心緒的怦然萌動(dòng)、情感的欣然釋放。下面學(xué)習(xí)啦小編為大家?guī)?lái)風(fēng)趣幽默的英語(yǔ)故事三則，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　風(fēng)趣幽默英語(yǔ)故事：你納稅了嗎

　　A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditorwho had come to review his records.

　　一個(gè)神色緊張的納稅人正悶悶不樂(lè)地和前來(lái)查帳的國(guó)稅局的稅務(wù)審計(jì)員交談。

　　At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed to live and work in the USA.

　　審計(jì)員一度大聲地說(shuō)，“Carelton先生，我們認(rèn)為能在美國(guó)生活和工作是莫大的榮幸，

　　As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile"

　　而作為一個(gè)美國(guó)公民，您也有納稅的義務(wù)。我們希望您能無(wú)比樂(lè)意地帶著微笑來(lái)納稅。”

　　"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."

　　“謝天謝地”，Carelton先生咧著嘴大笑地回答，“我還以為你們是要我?guī)еX來(lái)交稅呢!”

　　風(fēng)趣幽默英語(yǔ)故事：離事故有多遠(yuǎn)

　　A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.

　　一位木匠正在為他目擊的一起事故作證。

　　The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

　　法官問(wèn)他當(dāng)時(shí)離事發(fā)現(xiàn)場(chǎng)有多遠(yuǎn)。

　　The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".

　　木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。

　　"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.

　　法官問(wèn)：“什么?你怎么能這樣確定?”

　　"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

　　木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會(huì)有傻瓜問(wèn)我這個(gè)問(wèn)題，所以我事先測(cè)量了一下。”

　　風(fēng)趣幽默英語(yǔ)故事：酒后駕車

　　Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdy bar to anticipate possible DUI violations.

　　一天深夜，一名警察去一個(gè)經(jīng)常有人鬧事的酒吧門口巡邏，為了避免有酒后駕車的情況發(fā)生。

　　At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.

　　酒吧打烊了，他看見(jiàn)一個(gè)家伙跌跌撞撞的跑出來(lái)，一下摔在路邊，隨后又用鑰匙試著開(kāi)了五輛車的門才找到他自己的車。

　　Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

　　坐進(jìn)車?yán)?，好幾分鐘他又都是在摸著那些鑰匙。

　　Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.

　　這時(shí)人們都從酒吧出來(lái)并且開(kāi)車走了。最后他也發(fā)動(dòng)了車子準(zhǔn)備開(kāi)走，

　　The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test.

　　警察已經(jīng)等這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)很久了，他打開(kāi)燈，把司機(jī)從車?yán)锢鰜?lái)，給他宣讀了他所享有的法定權(quán)利，然后作了酒精的測(cè)試。

　　The test results showed a reading of 0.00.

　　測(cè)試的結(jié)果是零，

　　The puzzled officer demanded to know how could that be.

　　于是困惑的警察問(wèn)他是為什么，

　　The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"

　　司機(jī)說(shuō)：“今晚他們派我當(dāng)誘餌。”