雙語(yǔ)閱讀：會(huì)導(dǎo)致婚姻危機(jī)的9件日常小事

　　摘要：每個(gè)人都知道婚姻需要營(yíng)造。這是事實(shí)。但大家都有一個(gè)誤區(qū)，以為只有大事才會(huì)破壞婚姻：不忠，沉迷，等等。很多時(shí)候，是瑣碎的小事削弱著你們本是牢固的關(guān)系，這些小事在你們似懂非懂的地方腐蝕掉你們的愛(ài)情，——直到很多年后，矛盾最終爆發(fā)。下面是幾個(gè)你需要提防的地方：

　　Everyone knows that marriage takes work. That'sobvious. But a huge misconception is that onlyBIG things will derail your marriage: infidelity,addiction, adultery, etc. Quite often, you don't seethe little things chip, chip, chipping away at youonce-solid relationship foundations when in reality,it's those tiny things that eventually erode yourrelationship from within - without you even realizingit! - until years of petty resentments finally explode.Here's a few tiny earthquakes to watch out for:

　　每個(gè)人都知道婚姻需要營(yíng)造。這是事實(shí)。但大家都有一個(gè)誤區(qū)，以為只有大事才會(huì)破壞婚姻：不忠，沉迷，等等。很多時(shí)候，是瑣碎的小事削弱著你們本是牢固的關(guān)系，這些小事在你們似懂非懂的地方腐蝕掉你們的愛(ài)情，——直到很多年后，矛盾最終爆發(fā)。下面是幾個(gè)你需要提防的地方：

　　1. Not really talking

　　1. 沒(méi)有真心討論

　　Wake-up call: Passing each other in the hallway and mumbling something about someonetaking out the trash is not talking. If you don't spend quality time talking about your lives -really, truly, deeply talking about your lives, beyond the small talk and trivialties - you aren'tconnecting. And if you're not connecting, you're growing apart. Simple as that.

　　起床時(shí)間：在走廊里擦肩而過(guò)，喃喃的說(shuō)著該有人去倒垃圾了。如果你們不在黃金時(shí)間談?wù)撃銈兊纳?mdash;—真實(shí)地，真正地，深刻地，談?wù)撃銈兊纳睿皇悄切o(wú)聊的瑣事——你們將不會(huì)交心。然后，如果你們不能交心，你們的關(guān)系會(huì)越來(lái)越疏遠(yuǎn)。就這么簡(jiǎn)單。

　　2. Farting in front of each other

　　2. 在對(duì)方面前放屁

　　You think I'm kidding? When you get the stage where you cut your toenails in front of him, caneasily braid the hair on your legs, would need hedge-trimmers to clip through your public hairand think nothing of breaking wind loudly in front of him, you have long passed the comfortablestage. You've now reached the ‘roommate' stage. Romance only dies when you let it. You needto keep the mystery alive and one way to do that is by closing the bathroom door. Knowingeverything about another person, including their bowel habits, is not healthy. Get somemystery back into your relationship, STAT.

　　你以為我在逗你?當(dāng)你在他面前剪腳趾甲，當(dāng)你給自己大腿間的陰毛整形，你可能還需要一些設(shè)備來(lái)修剪它們，你也從不在乎在他面前大聲放屁，這些都說(shuō)明你們的生活已經(jīng)安逸太久了。你們現(xiàn)在進(jìn)入了"室友模式"。浪漫總是在隨性中喪失殆盡。你需要保持一些神秘感，比如關(guān)上洗手間的門。過(guò)于了解一個(gè)人，甚至包括他們排便的習(xí)慣，是有害的。還是給你們的關(guān)系多點(diǎn)神秘感吧。

　　3. Re-stacking a dishwasher after he's stacked it

　　3. 在他整理完碗碟后重新整理一遍

　　We know you have good intentions (and that you just want the job to be done right), butwhen you do this, you're undermining your husband. He'll interpret this behavior as youthinking he can't do anything or that everything always has to be your way. Also, if youcontinue to "re-do" all his attempts at housework, I assure you, he'll stop helping altogether.

　　我知道你的意圖是好的(你只是想把工作作的更好)，但是，當(dāng)你這么做的時(shí)候，你正在傷害你的丈夫。他會(huì)把你的行為解釋為，你認(rèn)為他什么也做不好，或者，任何事都要按你的方式做。而且，如果你不斷的重做他做完的家務(wù)活，我敢保證，他再也不會(huì)幫助你了。

　　4. Spending more time on the Internet than you do with each other

　　4. 上網(wǎng)的時(shí)間比你們?cè)谝黄鸬臅r(shí)間還多

　　Who gives a flying f*ck what Henry De whurst is doing since you left high school? Does itmatter that he's sailed around the world and now runs XYZ business in NYC? Nope. Hint: It'snot normal to spend more time looking at wedding photos of a wed ng you weren't invited tothan you do with your family. So if you're spending more of your life talking t o people you usedto know or even worse, have never met, than hanging with your spouse, what pray tell a e youdoing?! Ban iphones and technology from the bedroom (we know, it.s hard) and watch yoursex life (£ nd marriage!) miraculously improve.

　　是誰(shuí)讓你在你高中畢業(yè)后做那些Henry Dewhurst正在做的事倩?過(guò)去他環(huán)游世界 ,現(xiàn)茌卻只在紐約敲著XYZ ,真的沒(méi)問(wèn)題嗎?不，很有問(wèn)題。暗示：花費(fèi)大量時(shí)間瀏覽那些你沒(méi)有參加的婚禮的照片而不是與家人在一起一點(diǎn)都不好。所以，如果你同那些你過(guò)去不認(rèn)識(shí),甚至從未見(jiàn)過(guò)的人交談所花費(fèi)的時(shí)間超過(guò)與自己的另一半在一起的時(shí)間,你需要做點(diǎn)什么?從床上_iphone和電子產(chǎn)品(我知道，很難),然后看著你的性伙伴(或者另一半 ),都會(huì)改善。

　　5. Canceling date night over and over again

　　5. 一次又一次的取消夜晚約會(huì)

　　Yup, we all have deadlines. We all have draconian bosses breathing down our necks - and yes,there will always be good reason to cancel date night - especially if the sitter lets you downagain. But do so at your peril because postponing one-on-one time is symbolic of where yourmarriage is in your list of priorities. If you'd rather attend a Zumba class than have a glass ofwine with your husband, that's a red flag. Your relationship is sacred; treat it as such.

　　是的，我們都沒(méi)有時(shí)間。我們都有嚴(yán)厲的老板勒緊我們的脖子——是的，這是取消約會(huì)的最好借口——尤其，當(dāng)模特讓你失望的時(shí)候。但是，這很危險(xiǎn)，因?yàn)橥七t一對(duì)一約會(huì)是一個(gè)信號(hào)：你們的婚姻在生命中所處的優(yōu)先權(quán)。如果你參加尊巴舞訓(xùn)練班比與你的丈夫一起干杯更優(yōu)先，這就是紅色警報(bào)，你們的關(guān)系已經(jīng)危險(xiǎn)了。想辦法拯救吧。

　　6. Paying more attention to your kids than him

　　6. 對(duì)孩子的關(guān)注比對(duì)他的關(guān)注多太多

　　How many moms do you know who shower their kids with affection and give their husbands aquick pat on the back when he swoops in for a kiss? Remembering to stop and give each otheractual physical affection - not just a requisite peck on the cheek - is the sign of a healthyrelationship. When you spend day in/day out with someone, it's easy to neglect them. Themundane goings-on of daily life take precedent and by the time you get the kids to bed andcollapse on the sofa, showing any kind of affection feels like an extra chore. But here's asecret: Do. It. Anyway. Affection, leading or not leading to sex, cannot be overstated.

　　有多少母親都會(huì)認(rèn)真的給孩子洗澡，同時(shí)給想沖過(guò)來(lái)親吻的丈夫一個(gè)背影?記得停下來(lái)和你的另一半親熱——不能只在臉上輕輕一吻——如果做了，標(biāo)志著你們的關(guān)系健康。當(dāng)你整天和其他人有約，他們很容易被你忽略。如果每天都只有日常的生活，有時(shí)候你把孩子送到床上，自己倒在沙發(fā)上，此時(shí)此刻任何情感都變成了一種額外的家務(wù)。但是，我有個(gè)秘籍：無(wú)論如何，做它。情感嘛，不論最后有沒(méi)有做愛(ài)，都不是多余的。

　　7. Never quite losing the baby weight

　　7. 產(chǎn)后不減肥

　　It may be controversial, but letting yourself go physically when you get comfortable withsomeone is a sure-fire way to send you partner looking elsewhere. When they met you, youwere 23 with great abs but three kids and twenty years later, well, things don't quite look thesame. We get it; life happens. But looking after your own appearance means you feel goodabout yourself which in turn, means they feel good about you too. The brutal truth is you needto move your ass off the couch and down to the gym. You cared about your ass before, so whynot now? Becoming lazy after you've hooked your catch isn't a sexy look for anyone.

　　這是有爭(zhēng)議的，但是，當(dāng)你大腹便便的與其他人談笑風(fēng)生時(shí)會(huì)讓你的丈夫十分窘迫。當(dāng)他們認(rèn)識(shí)你時(shí)，你只有23歲，身材苗條，但是，當(dāng)你有了3個(gè)孩子且過(guò)了20年后，嗯，一切都不一樣了。是的，生活開(kāi)始了。但是，注意自己的外表意味著你感覺(jué)改變一下更美，意味著他們也這么認(rèn)為。殘酷的事實(shí)是，你需要離開(kāi)睡椅到健身椅上去，你以前擔(dān)心自己的屁股太大，那么，現(xiàn)在為什么不擔(dān)心呢?生孩子后越來(lái)越懶的女人一點(diǎn)都不性感。

　　8. Never saying "hanks"

　　8. 從不說(shuō)“謝謝”

　　My husband often feels like he deserves a medal every time he puts a loa d of wash in. (Nevermind that I separated the wash, put it in the dryer, and spent hours folding it.) I want to stabhim in the eyes when he expects validation for a relatively simple task but I give it to himanyway. Why? Because at least he did it. And when he feels empowered, BONUS: he might justdo someth else, like grocery shopping or cleaning the fridge. By thanking him. I'm saying: "I seeyou, I acknowledg e you." Likewise, he should be thanking you, too. Otherwise there's atendency to start playing the &lsqu o;who did more' game, which quickly leads toresentment. The more grateful you are, the more likely he'll do more. Trust me.

　　我丈夫經(jīng)常在洗了很多衣服后認(rèn)為自己應(yīng)該被頒發(fā)勛章。(且毫不介意我之后把衣服分類，放進(jìn)甩干機(jī)，然后花數(shù)小時(shí)疊好它們。)在他做了簡(jiǎn)單的工作卻想得到表?yè)P(yáng)時(shí)我真想瞪他，但我還是感謝了他。為什么?因?yàn)橹辽偎隽恕２⑶耶?dāng)他感覺(jué)被感謝后，意外之喜：他可能會(huì)繼續(xù)做其他的事,比如,去雜貨店買油鹽醬醋,或者淸理冰箱。感謝他時(shí)，我說(shuō)：“我看到了 ,我認(rèn)可你。”同祥，他也應(yīng)該感謝你。否則,你們將會(huì)糾結(jié)于“誰(shuí)干的更多”，最終導(dǎo)致矛盾。你感激他越多，他做的越多。相信我。

　　9. Spending too much time with your side of the family

　　9. 花太多的時(shí)間關(guān)心娘家了

　　Yes, we all know the guilt-trip moms are capable of if you aren't home to celebrateThanksgiving but just for once, ask your other half what they would like to do for the holidays.By pleasing your parents more than your spouse, you're slowly poisoning your relationshipand we hate to break it to you, hubby's probably had enough of your Dad talking about his golfswing and your Mom droning on about her recent knee surgery. Here's an idea: Instead ofgoing to Gram and Gramps, ask them to come stay and spend time with the kids while you twoget away, together!

　　是的，我們都知道如果你沒(méi)地方過(guò)感恩節(jié)，父母?jìng)円詭銈円黄疬^(guò)，但是，即使只一次，問(wèn)下你的另一半，他想怎么過(guò)。對(duì)自己的父母過(guò)于關(guān)心，超過(guò)自己的另一半，你會(huì)慢慢傷害你們的感情，同時(shí)我不得不打斷你，你的丈夫可能已經(jīng)與你的老爸聊了太多的高爾夫了，也聽(tīng)了太多你老媽對(duì)自己膝關(guān)節(jié)手術(shù)的牢騷了。 給你一個(gè)建議：換一種方式，讓你的父母與你的孩子們呆在一起，此刻，你們?nèi)オ?dú)享幸福的二人旅行!