經(jīng)典短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話大全

　　笑話是內(nèi)容豐富并具有出乎意料結(jié)尾的幽默口頭故事。下面小編整理了短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話，希望大家喜歡!

　　短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話摘抄

　　Friend for Dinner

　　請(qǐng)朋友吃飯

　　Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

　　“親愛的，”丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f(shuō)：“我邀請(qǐng)了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。”

　　What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty,and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!

　　“什么?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒(méi)有買過(guò)東西回來(lái)了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。”

　　I know all that.

　　“這些我全都知道。”

　　Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

　　“那你為什么還要邀請(qǐng)朋友回來(lái)吃晚飯?”

　　Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.

　　“因?yàn)槟莻€(gè)可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結(jié)婚呢。”

　　短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話鑒賞

　　The Fourth Element

　　第四元素

　　Teacher: What are the four element of nature?

　　老師：自然界的四大元素是什么?

　　Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ...

　　學(xué)生：火、氣、和。。。和。。。

　　Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?

　　老師：和什么?想一想， 你用什么洗手的?

　　Student: Soap!

　　學(xué)生：肥皂。

　　短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話賞析

　　Boxing and Running

　　拳擊和賽跑

　　Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, soI’m teaching my boy to fight."

　　丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是一個(gè)粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎么去拼搏。”

　　Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also beentaught how to box."

　　朋友：“如果他碰上的對(duì)手是一個(gè)比他高大，健壯而且也會(huì)拳擊的人怎么辦?”

　　Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

　　丹：“我也會(huì)教他怎么樣賽跑呢。”

　　短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話欣賞

　　Make your fortune

　　計(jì)劃你的將來(lái)

　　"How did you make your fortune?"

　　“你是怎么計(jì)劃你的將來(lái)的?”

　　"I became the partner of a rich man.He had the money and I had the experience."

　　“我變成一個(gè)富人的合伙人，他有錢，我有經(jīng)驗(yàn)。”

　　"How did that help?"

　　“那有什么用?”

　　"Now he has the experience and I the money."

　　現(xiàn)在他有經(jīng)驗(yàn)了，我有錢。”

　　短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話品味

　　The Looney Bin

　　瘋?cè)嗽?/p>

　　Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽?one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Anotherone said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice fromanother room shouted, "I did not!"

　　一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪?，一個(gè)病人說(shuō)：“我是拿破侖!”另一個(gè)說(shuō)：“你怎么知道?”第一個(gè)人說(shuō)：“上帝對(duì)我說(shuō)的!”一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)聲音從另一個(gè)房間傳來(lái)：“我沒(méi)說(shuō)!”

　　短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話品析

　　會(huì)說(shuō)話的鐘 Talking clock

　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

　　一個(gè)學(xué)生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。

　　"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

　　“那個(gè)大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的?”他的一個(gè)朋友問(wèn)他。

　　"That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

　　“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個(gè)會(huì)說(shuō)話的鐘”，學(xué)生回答。

　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

　　“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問(wèn)。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。

　　Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

　　突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡!現(xiàn)在是凌晨?jī)牲c(diǎn)鐘了!”

　　經(jīng)典的短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話

　　長(zhǎng)壽秘訣 Secret For a Long Life

　　A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

　　一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動(dòng)的小老頭。

　　"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says.

　　“我無(wú)意中發(fā)現(xiàn)，你是多么幸福，”那女士說(shuō)。

　　"What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

　　“你幸福而長(zhǎng)壽的秘密是什么?”

　　"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, everexercise."

　　“我每天抽三包煙，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來(lái)不曾鍛煉。”

　　"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman.

　　“哦，真神奇，”女士說(shuō)。

　　"How old are you?"

　　“你高壽?”

　　"Twenty-six."

　　“二十六。”

　　關(guān)于短英語(yǔ)幽默笑話

　　控制女人的男人 Two Lines In Heaven

　　Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.God comes and says "I want the men to make twolines.One line for the men that dominated their women on earthand the other line for the menthat were whipped by their women.Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

　　世上的每一個(gè)人都上了天堂 神說(shuō) :" 要男人分成兩隊(duì) , 一是在世上控制女人的男人 ,另一是被女人鞭打的男人 .另外女子自成一隊(duì) , 跟著圣彼德去 ."

　　Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the menthat were whipped was 100 mileslong,and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.

　　隊(duì)伍列好后 , 一是被女人鞭打的 ,有 100 英里長(zhǎng) , 一是在世上控制女人的 ,僅有一人 .

　　God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.I created you in my imageand you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons that stood up andmade me proud.Learn from him! Tell them, my son,how did you manage to be the only one onthat line?"The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

　　神生氣的說(shuō) :" 你們男人應(yīng)該感到羞恥 ,我按照自己的形象創(chuàng)造了你們 ,而你們被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯一的兒子 ,站著使我驕傲 . 你們應(yīng)該向他學(xué)習(xí) .告訴他們 , 兒子 ,你如何成為唯一站在這一隊(duì)上的 ?"這男子回說(shuō) :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在這的 !"