雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話大全
雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話大全
笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創(chuàng)作體裁,是一種重要的交際手段。本文是雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助!
雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話篇一
Problem with gas放屁的問(wèn)題
A little old lady goes to the doctor ... and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
有位小老太太去看醫(yī)生：“醫(yī)生，我有愛(ài)放屁的毛病。其實(shí)也不是大問(wèn)題，只是我放屁不臭而且沒(méi)聲音。事實(shí)上，我在這里已經(jīng)放了20多個(gè)屁，但是你并不知道對(duì)吧，因?yàn)槲业钠ú怀簦疫€沒(méi)聲音。”
The doctor says, "I see. Here's a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week."
醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“好的，我明白了。吃這個(gè)藥片，一天三次連續(xù)吃七天，下星期你再來(lái)。”
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ... although still silent... stink terribly."
一星期后老太太來(lái)了，“醫(yī)生，你到底給的我什么藥，現(xiàn)在我放屁還是沒(méi)聲音，但是怎么這么臭!”
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."
醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“太好了!你的嗅覺(jué)正常了，現(xiàn)在開(kāi)始治聽(tīng)覺(jué)。”
雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話篇二
Poisonous snakes 毒蛇
A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. The son asks, "Dad，are we poisonous snakes?" The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?" "Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!"
一個(gè)陽(yáng)光明媚的下午，蛇父親和蛇兒子出去散步。兒子問(wèn)：“爸爸，我們是毒蛇嗎?”父親得意的答道：“當(dāng)然了，孩子，我們是響尾蛇啊!為什么這么問(wèn)呢?”“因?yàn)椋覄偘焉囝^咬破了!”
雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話篇三
Talking clock 會(huì)說(shuō)話的鐘
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一個(gè)學(xué)生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個(gè)大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的?”他的一個(gè)朋友問(wèn)他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個(gè)會(huì)說(shuō)話的鐘”，學(xué)生回答。“這鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問(wèn)。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽(tīng)到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡!現(xiàn)在是凌晨?jī)牲c(diǎn)鐘了!”
雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話篇四
Photo 我老婆的照片
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, and then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
一個(gè)生意人走進(jìn)一家酒館，在吧臺(tái)坐下，點(diǎn)了一杯加冰的雙料martini。喝完，那生意人往自己襯衣的口袋里瞥了一眼，然后又讓服務(wù)員把杯子滿上。喝完，生意人又往自己襯衣的口袋里瞥了一眼，然后又讓服務(wù)生幫他把杯子滿上。這時(shí)酒館的服務(wù)生說(shuō)話了，“呃，老兄，我整個(gè)晚上給你倒martini都沒(méi)有問(wèn)題，但你得告訴我，你為什么在點(diǎn)下一杯酒前都要往自己襯衣的口袋里偷偷看那么一眼”。生意人回答，“我看的是我老婆的一張照片。如果照片上的人開(kāi)始變得好看起來(lái)，那就說(shuō)明我喝得差不多了，該回家了。”
雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話篇五
他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對(duì)于顧客們的各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來(lái)到我的工作臺(tái)時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問(wèn)她，“有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說(shuō)，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說(shuō)郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒(méi)人在家。可是我的丈夫整個(gè)早上都在家啊。他說(shuō)他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問(wèn)。 “我丈夫的新助聽(tīng)器”。
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