經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話精選
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話精選
近年來(lái),冷笑話作為一種新興的語(yǔ)言現(xiàn)象在網(wǎng)絡(luò)、雜志上十分盛行。它的傳播方式并非特定,既能通過網(wǎng)絡(luò)等媒體進(jìn)行傳播,也能通過人們口耳相傳,因此在內(nèi)容上能不斷重組和更新。學(xué)習(xí)啦小編分享經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話，希望可以幫助大家!
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：The Lawyer's Death Certificate
A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.
The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"
The coroner says, "No."
The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"
"No."
"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：Interview at the Firm
There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each candidate aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?
Only seconds after talking to them both, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside after the interview. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Paul replies.
"Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：The world's smartest dog 世界上最聰明的狗
here once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three dogs were in the final. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.
For the final each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make. The doctor said, "Stethoscope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided to give the other dogs a try.
The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" The dog built a suspension bridge.
The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?
The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tollsfrom the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.
在一場(chǎng)狗秀的活動(dòng)中，人們要選出一只世界上最聰明的狗。有三只狗進(jìn)入了決賽，它們的主人分別是：醫(yī)生，建筑師和律師。
最后的比賽是給每只狗一包骨頭，看看它們能用這些骨頭做些什么。醫(yī)生說道：“聽診器，上!”這只狗搭了一個(gè)人體骨骼。
裁判們想立即給這只狗頒發(fā)獎(jiǎng)品，但是他們還是決定給每只狗一次機(jī)會(huì)。
建筑師說道：“滑尺，上!”他的狗建造了一座懸橋。
裁判們左右為難，到底該選哪一只呢?
律師說道：“鉆(法律)空子，上!”這只狗吃掉了骨頭，對(duì)那座橋征收了百分之百的稅，并向其他兩只狗進(jìn)行勒索。
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：Three Government Contractors
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; one from NewJersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about 0: 0 for materials, 0 for my crew and 0 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for 0: 0 for materials, 0 for my crew and 0 profit for me."
The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話精選
近年來(lái),冷笑話作為一種新興的語(yǔ)言現(xiàn)象在網(wǎng)絡(luò)、雜志上十分盛行。它的傳播方式并非特定,既能通過網(wǎng)絡(luò)等媒體進(jìn)行傳播,也能通過人們口耳相傳,因此在內(nèi)容上能不斷重組和更新。學(xué)習(xí)啦小編分享經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話，希望可以幫助大家!
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：The Lawyer's Death Certificate
A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.
The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"
The coroner says, "No."
The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"
"No."
"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：Interview at the Firm
There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each candidate aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?
Only seconds after talking to them both, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside after the interview. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Paul replies.
"Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：The world's smartest dog 世界上最聰明的狗
here once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three dogs were in the final. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.
For the final each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make. The doctor said, "Stethoscope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided to give the other dogs a try.
The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" The dog built a suspension bridge.
The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?
The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tollsfrom the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.
在一場(chǎng)狗秀的活動(dòng)中，人們要選出一只世界上最聰明的狗。有三只狗進(jìn)入了決賽，它們的主人分別是：醫(yī)生，建筑師和律師。
最后的比賽是給每只狗一包骨頭，看看它們能用這些骨頭做些什么。醫(yī)生說道：“聽診器，上!”這只狗搭了一個(gè)人體骨骼。
裁判們想立即給這只狗頒發(fā)獎(jiǎng)品，但是他們還是決定給每只狗一次機(jī)會(huì)。
建筑師說道：“滑尺，上!”他的狗建造了一座懸橋。
裁判們左右為難，到底該選哪一只呢?
律師說道：“鉆(法律)空子，上!”這只狗吃掉了骨頭，對(duì)那座橋征收了百分之百的稅，并向其他兩只狗進(jìn)行勒索。
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：Three Government Contractors
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; one from NewJersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that friends, is how it all works!
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：What is 1+2?
Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.
Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.
Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.
看了“經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話”的人還看了：
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "00 for me, 00 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that friends, is how it all works!
經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話：What is 1+2?
Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.
Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.
Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.
看了“經(jīng)典的高中英語(yǔ)笑話”的人還看了：