讓人噴飯的英語(yǔ)笑話大全
笑話是日常生活中常見(jiàn)的一種幽默。與一般日常會(huì)話不同,笑話刻意違反合作原則,由此衍生出會(huì)話含意,并利用會(huì)話含意之間的沖突實(shí)現(xiàn)其預(yù)定功能。本文是讓人噴飯的英語(yǔ)笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助!
讓人噴飯的英語(yǔ)笑話：When Enemy Soldiers Come at You 當(dāng)敵兵襲擊你時(shí)
The first sergeant was holding a class on combat for his company. He said, "Jose, what would you do if you saw 700 enemy soldiers coming at you?"
Jose said, "I would shoot them all with my rifle."
The sergeant asked, "On the fight you see 400 enemy soldiers charging at you. What would you do?"
Jose said, "I would shoot them with my rifle."
The sergeant continued, "Okay! On your left, Jose, you notice 1,000 enemy soldiers heading straight at you. What would you do?"
Jose answered. "I would shoot them all with my rifle."
The sergeant yelled, "Just a minute, Jose. Where are you getting all those bullets?"
The soldier smiled and said, "Where are you getting all those enemy soldiers in the same place?"
警官正在給他的連隊(duì)上一堂戰(zhàn)斗課，他問(wèn)：“約瑟，假如你看到有700名敵兵正朝你沖過(guò)來(lái)，你會(huì)怎么辦?“
約瑟說(shuō)：“我會(huì)用我的槍打死他們。”
警官問(wèn)：“你看到你的右方有400名敵兵正向你撲過(guò)來(lái)，你會(huì)怎么辦?”
約瑟說(shuō)：“我會(huì)用我的槍打死他們。”
警官繼續(xù)說(shuō)：“很好，約瑟，你注意到你的左方有1,000名敵兵正直沖你奔來(lái)，你會(huì)怎么辦?”
約瑟又回答：“我會(huì)用我的槍打死他們。”
警官大叫：“稍等，約瑟，你是從哪里得到這些子彈的?”
士兵笑了笑，說(shuō)道：“您在同一個(gè)地方從哪里把這些敵兵調(diào)集來(lái)的呢?”
讓人噴飯的英語(yǔ)笑話：A Welcome Guest 受歡迎的聽(tīng)眾
One afternoon while I was talking to a professor, my two-year-old daughter Melissa, wandered into a nearby classroom. There was a math class in progress and, to my dismay, Melissa sat down in the front row.
When I went in to get her, the instructor stopped me. "Young lady," he said, "I have been teaching calculus at this college for over 20 years. Not once in that time has anyone come to my class just because he or she wanted to. The child may stay."
一天下午，在我和一位教授說(shuō)話的時(shí)候，我兩歲的女兒瑪麗莎轉(zhuǎn)到了附近的一個(gè)教室里。那兒正在上數(shù)學(xué)課。更糟的是瑪麗莎還居然坐在了前排的座位上。
當(dāng)我走進(jìn)去想把她抱出來(lái)時(shí)，上課的教授攔住了我。她說(shuō)：“這位女士，我在這所大學(xué)里已經(jīng)教了20多年的微積分。在這期間從未有人是出于自愿來(lái)到我的課堂，這個(gè)孩子可以呆在這里。”
讓人噴飯的英語(yǔ)笑話：Friends of a feather 禽以毛聚
An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China, whose specialty was roast duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table: "This is the breast of the duck. This is the leg of the duck. This is the wing of the duck…"
Then came a dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for an explanation. Silence.
"Well," he finally asked, "What is this?"
"It's a friend of the duck," said the waiter.
一個(gè)美國(guó)的游客來(lái)到中國(guó)，他到了一家專營(yíng)烤鴨的飯店進(jìn)餐。服務(wù)員每次端上來(lái)一道菜都給他報(bào)上菜名：“這是鴨胸，這是鴨腿，這是鴨翅……”
這時(shí)又上的一個(gè)菜，那個(gè)美國(guó)人一看便知是雞，但他想聽(tīng)聽(tīng)服務(wù)員會(huì)怎么報(bào)這個(gè)菜名。他等著，服務(wù)員卻一個(gè)字也沒(méi)說(shuō)。
“唉!”他終于忍不住了，“這個(gè)菜叫什么?”
“這是鴨的朋友。”服務(wù)員答道。
讓人噴飯的英語(yǔ)笑話：True feelings 真情
We were leaving a football game in a throng of people.
My husband, who never displays affection in public, took my hand. I has delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium. I looked up at him, smiling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?"
"No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."
我們和一大群人在橄欖球比賽散場(chǎng)時(shí)紛紛撤離比賽場(chǎng)。
我那位從未在大庭廣眾之下流露感情的丈夫這時(shí)拉住了我的手，我非常高興。當(dāng)我們手拉手往體育場(chǎng)外走時(shí)，我抬著頭看著他并笑著問(wèn)：“你不想失去我，對(duì)嗎?”
丈夫回答道：“不是，我只是不想去找你。”
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