又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話
對(duì)于笑話，可能只是文字游戲，但有時(shí)它在人們解決生活中的困惑時(shí)起著重要作用，知道英語(yǔ)笑話有哪些嗎?下面是小編給大家?guī)淼挠钟哪侄痰挠⒄Z(yǔ)笑話_有趣的笑話英語(yǔ)小短文，以供大家參考，我們一起來看看吧!
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(一)
一切都正常
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned." "You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?" "Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(二)
老謀深算
There was a 75-year-old multi-millionaire who had just married a beautiful 18-year-old blond girl. So his friends asked him, "How did you manage to get an 18-year-old girl to marry you, when you're 75?"
And the old man replied, "I told her I was 99, so she would marry me quick!"
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(三)
吝嗇鬼的聚會(huì)
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(四)
導(dǎo)盲犬幫我看
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.
The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(五)
林肯過生日
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(六)
三只烏龜
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee。 Just as they got into the cafe， it started to rain。
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one， " Go home and get the umbrella。"
The little turtle replied， "I will， if you don't drink my offee。"
"We won't，" the other two promised。
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle， "Well， I guess he isn't ing back， so we might as well drink his coffee。"
Just then a voice called from outside the door， "If you do， I won't go。"
三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來。于是最大的那只烏龜對(duì)最小的烏龜說，“回家去取傘吧?！弊钚〉臑觚斦f，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去?！?/p>
“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應(yīng)說。
兩年后，大烏龜對(duì)中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們能夠把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
正在這時(shí)，一個(gè)聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去?！?/p>
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(七)
孩子的祈禱
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house。 At bedtime， the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers， when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle。 I pray for a new toy。"
兩個(gè)小男孩在祖父母家過夜。睡覺的時(shí)候，兩個(gè)小男孩跪在床邊開始祈禱，這時(shí)小一些的孩子扯開嗓子大聲喊道：“我祈求得到一輛自行車。我祈求有一個(gè)新玩具?！?/p>
His older brother leaned over， nudged him and said， "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf。"
他的哥哥靠過來，用肘輕碰他說：“你為什么這么大聲喊叫呢?上帝又不是聾子?！?/p>
To which the little brother replied， "No， but Grandma is!"
弟弟回答說：“是的，可是奶奶聽不到呀!”
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(八)
Intelligent son
One day， the father lets eight year-old son send a letter， the son took the letter ， the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope。
After the son es back， the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope。"
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee， is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
聰明的兒子
有一天，父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信，兒子已經(jīng)拿著信跑了，父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來后，父親問他:“你把信丟進(jìn)郵筒了嗎?” “當(dāng)然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”
“我當(dāng)然看見信封上什么也沒寫”“那你為什么不拿回來呢?”
“我還以為你不寫地址和收信人，是為了不想讓我明白你把信寄給誰呢!”
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(九)
特別來賓
a lawyer finds himself at the pearly gates at the same time as the pope.
一位律師發(fā)現(xiàn)他和某教宗一起到達(dá)天堂的珍珠門。
both men are allowed to enter heaven.
兩個(gè)人都被允許進(jìn)入天堂。
and the lawyer is ensconced in a magnificent mansion.
律師被安置在一間豪華的別墅，
but he sees that the pope is housed in a far more humble dwelling.
但他卻見到教宗被安排住在非常簡(jiǎn)陋的住所。
unable to restrain his curiosity,the lawyer asks st.peter about it.
由于好奇心的驅(qū)使，律師問圣彼得其中原委。
“well, you see,” replies st. peter, "we have dozens of popes up here, but we-ve never had alawyer before. "
“哦，你看我們這里有好幾十位教宗，可是你卻是第一個(gè)上天堂的律師呢!”圣彼得答道。
又幽默又短的英語(yǔ)笑話(十)
If You Could Choose
If you could choose what kind of world to live in, what kind of world would you choose? If you could decide what would happen tomorrow, with what kinds of things would you fill it?
If you had the power to decide what types of opportunities would come your way, what opportunities would you select? If you knew that your experiences would match your expectations, what would your expectations be?
In fact, you do have the power to choose your own way. You do have the ability to decide what kinds of events, experiences, opportunities and circumstances come your way.
The world you experience is the world that your dreams, your thoughts, your expectations and your actions most closely _. The world you see and live in is the world you most sincerely expect to see.
The universe is filled with endless possibilities, and those possibilities keep growing with every minute. The way you live determines which of those possibilities will come into your life.
With your thoughts, your actions, your values, your dreams and expectations, you choose what kind of world you live in. The way you live is closely mirrored in the world you see.
翻譯：如果你可以選擇
英語(yǔ)勵(lì)志短文帶翻譯:如果你可以選擇在什么樣的世界里生活,那么你將會(huì)選擇怎樣的世界呢?如果你可以決定明日之事,你將會(huì)怎樣充實(shí)它呢?
倘若你有力量決定自己的機(jī)遇,你會(huì)怎樣選擇呢?倘若你知道你的經(jīng)歷會(huì)如你所愿,那么你會(huì)如何期待呢?
事實(shí)上,你有能力選擇你要走的'路。是你自己決定你將要做的事、英語(yǔ)短文你將獲得的經(jīng)歷、你將得到的機(jī)會(huì)和你將置身其中的環(huán)境。
你體驗(yàn)的這個(gè)世界和你的夢(mèng)想、思維、期待甚至行為產(chǎn)生共鳴。你看到的世界和你時(shí)下生活的這個(gè)世界就是你真心期待見到的世界。
這個(gè)宇宙充滿了無限的可能,這些可能每一分鐘都在增加。你的生活方式?jīng)Q定了何種可能性會(huì)來到你的世界。
你所選擇生活的世界取決于你的想法,你的作為,你秉持的價(jià)值理念,你的夢(mèng)想還有對(duì)未來的期待。你有什么樣的世界觀就會(huì)有什么樣的生活方式。