下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的精選英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　精選英語(yǔ)笑話一：I want a nightmare 想做壞夢(mèng)

　　Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

　　"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

　　"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

　　在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個(gè)夢(mèng)，夢(mèng)見(jiàn)我通過(guò)了今天的考試。”

　　“不要相信夢(mèng)，親愛(ài)的。據(jù)說(shuō)夢(mèng)中的經(jīng)歷通常與現(xiàn)實(shí)相反。”媽媽答道。

　　“那么，我真希望在今晚的夢(mèng)中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說(shuō)。

　　精選英語(yǔ)笑話二：Big hands 大手

　　Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

　　Student: Big hands.

　　老師：如果我左手上有7個(gè)桔子，右手上有8個(gè)桔子。那么我有什么?

　　學(xué)生：大手。

　　精選英語(yǔ)笑話三：The teacher cried 老師哭了

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺愛(ài)，寵愛(ài)) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"

　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。

　　他第一天上學(xué)才離開(kāi)祖母的懷抱。約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接他并問(wèn)道：“學(xué)校怎么樣?你過(guò)的好嗎?哭了沒(méi)有?”

　　“哭?”約翰問(wèn)，“不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了。”

　　精選英語(yǔ)笑話四：我丈夫剛進(jìn)來(lái)

　　The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.

　　在飯館里坐著一對(duì)夫婦，他們看上去非常高興。但是當(dāng)那女子向旁邊瞥了一眼時(shí)，服務(wù)員馬上跑了過(guò)來(lái)。

　　“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”

　　“夫人，您瞧,” 他說(shuō),“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”

　　“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”

　　“不，他沒(méi)有,” 她回答,“我丈夫剛從門外進(jìn)來(lái)。”

　　精選英語(yǔ)笑話五：有兩條褲子

　　A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

　　丈夫下班回到家里，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的新娘心緒煩亂。“我心里太難受了，”她說(shuō)。“我在給你熨西裝時(shí)把褲子的臀部燒了個(gè)大洞。”

　　“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

　　“沒(méi)事兒，”丈夫安慰她說(shuō)。“你忘了我這套衣服有兩條褲子。”

　　“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

　　“是的，”妻子高興地說(shuō)，“幸虧你還有一條，我后來(lái)就用它來(lái)補(bǔ)了這個(gè)洞了。”

　　精選英語(yǔ)笑話六：死于肝癌的人100%都吃飯

　　Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of

　　those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.

　　妻子：你瞧，根據(jù)這報(bào)上登的統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)字，那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。

　　Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat　meals.

　　丈夫：那就不錯(cuò)了。據(jù)我調(diào)查，所有這些人都吃飯呢。