幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話12篇

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話，希望大家會(huì)喜歡!

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：The teacher cried 老師哭了

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺愛(ài)，寵愛(ài)) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"

　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。

　　他第一天上學(xué)才離開(kāi)祖母的懷抱。約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接他并問(wèn)道：“學(xué)校怎么樣?你過(guò)的好嗎?哭了沒(méi)有?”

　　“哭?”約翰問(wèn)，“不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了。”

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：Which Month Did He Go Away

　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?

　　杰克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點(diǎn)頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。于是便有好心的人教他說(shuō)，下次鞠躬的時(shí)候，你就在心里數(shù)：一月、二月、……一直數(shù)到十二月為止，然后再直起身來(lái)。這樣，禮節(jié)就周全了。

　　第二天，杰克見(jiàn)到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。這躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一驚，趕緊逃開(kāi)了。杰克抬頭一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便問(wèn)過(guò)路人：我叔叔幾月走的?

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：Big hands 大手

　　Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

　　Student: Big hands.

　　老師：如果我左手上有7個(gè)桔子，右手上有8個(gè)桔子。那么我有什么?

　　學(xué)生：大手。

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：I want a nightmare 想做壞夢(mèng)

　　Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

　　"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

　　"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

　　在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個(gè)夢(mèng)，夢(mèng)見(jiàn)我通過(guò)了今天的考試。”

　　“不要相信夢(mèng)，親愛(ài)的。據(jù)說(shuō)夢(mèng)中的經(jīng)歷通常與現(xiàn)實(shí)相反。”媽媽答道。

　　“那么，我真希望在今晚的夢(mèng)中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說(shuō)。

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：Its part of the game 我在扮演媽媽

　　Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.

　　Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.

　　媽媽：瑪麗，你為什么這樣大喊大叫的? 為什么不能像艾迪那樣安安靜靜的玩兒呢?你看艾迪一聲兒都不出。

　　瑪麗：媽媽，艾迪當(dāng)然不會(huì)出聲了，因?yàn)槲覀儌z正在玩爸爸回家遲到的游戲呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：I Taught the Teacher 我教老師

　　Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?

　　Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.

　　母親問(wèn)她年幼的兒子：寶貝，今天老師教了你些什么?

　　兒子驕傲地說(shuō)：什么都沒(méi)教，媽媽。她反倒問(wèn)我一加二等于幾，我告訴她等于三。

　　狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎?

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生說(shuō)，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：Where's the father? 父親在哪?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。

　　“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了一會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄。”

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：Two Pieces of Cake 兩塊蛋糕

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

　　湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?

　　媽媽：當(dāng)然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：what do I get 我能得到什么

　　Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.

　　老師：如果我把一塊牛排切成兩半的兩半，我能得到幾塊兒?湯米：四塊。老師：那我要是再切兩次，我能得到什么呢?湯米：漢堡。

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：他正在拍照

　　Two sisters were looking at a book of religious pictures and came across a painting of the Virgin and the baby Jesus.

　　姐妹倆在看一本宗教畫(huà)冊(cè)時(shí)，剛好看到一幅圣母瑪利亞和圣嬰耶穌的圖畫(huà)。

　　"See there," said the older sister, "that's Jesus, and that's his mother."

　　姐姐說(shuō)：“瞧，這是耶穌，這是他的媽媽。”

　　"Where's his dad?" the younger girl wanted to know.

　　“他的爸爸在哪里?”妹妹想知道。

　　Her sister thought for a moment and explained, "Oh, he's taking the picture."

　　姐姐想了一會(huì)兒，解釋道：“噢，他正在拍照。”

　　幽默英語(yǔ)冷笑話：小孩你到底要鬧那樣

　　A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest boy and returned to her.

　　一位女士圣誕節(jié)購(gòu)物時(shí)丟了錢包。一個(gè)誠(chéng)實(shí)的小男孩撿到了錢包，還給了她。

　　Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm...that's funny. When I lost my purse there was a bill in it. Now there are twenty class="main">