下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)，希望大家會(huì)喜歡!

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：Mushroom and Toadstool 蘑菇與毒蕈

　　Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool(毒菌) ?Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

　　年少的童子軍：我怎樣才能把蘑菇和毒蕈區(qū)別開(kāi)呢?年長(zhǎng)的童子軍：上床前吃一個(gè)。如果你第二天早上醒來(lái)，那就是蘑菇。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：救出哪幅畫(huà)?

　　A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

　　The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

　　一份報(bào)紙組織了一場(chǎng)競(jìng)賽，為下面的問(wèn)題征集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫(huà)，你將救出哪一幅?”

　　獲獎(jiǎng)的答案是：“最接近門(mén)口的那一幅。”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：A Thank-you Note

　　Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "

　　有一次，我收到一封感謝信，是一個(gè)我曾幫助過(guò)的朋友寄來(lái)的。信封內(nèi)有五張彩票，都被刮過(guò)了，露出了數(shù)字。“非常感謝您的幫助，”信上寫(xiě)道，“作為禮物，我給您買(mǎi)了些彩票----真遺憾，您沒(méi)中獎(jiǎng)。”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：Excellent Skills

　　After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.

　　In an instant, a skycap was at his side. "Sir," observed the porter, " you certainly have excellent communication skills.

　　我的朋友們?cè)诜泵Φ募~瓦克機(jī)場(chǎng)著陸后，他們卻不能招呼到腳夫來(lái)幫他們搬行李。無(wú)奈，丈夫拿出一張五美元的鈔票在人群上面搖晃。

　　一個(gè)帶寬邊帽的人馬上來(lái)到他身邊。“先生，”腳夫說(shuō)道，“很明顯你有絕妙的交際技巧。”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：可憐的人

　　"Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady， "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."

　　"You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."

　　"啊，可憐的人，"善良的老婦人驚嘆道。"腳瘸就夠慘的了，要是眼瞎就更糟了。"

　　"你說(shuō)的一點(diǎn)兒沒(méi)錯(cuò)，"那乞丐說(shuō)。他顯然是乞討老手。"我眼瞎的時(shí)候，人們老是給我外幣。"

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：終身保修

　　After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."

　　在將母親下葬9個(gè)月后，當(dāng)?shù)貧泝x館的一個(gè)客戶(hù)終于攢夠了錢(qián)去買(mǎi)那副他早就相中的價(jià)值不菲的棺材了。他把母親的棺材挖了出來(lái)，將尸體轉(zhuǎn)移到了那副新的鋼制棺材中。“這副棺材有什么特別?”，我問(wèn)葬禮的承辦人。他回答說(shuō)，“這種棺材終生保修。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：CD唱機(jī)

　　While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?That means, she said, that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music.In other words this CD player plays CDs.Exactly.

　　在購(gòu)買(mǎi)我的第一部CD唱機(jī)時(shí)，我能夠解讀推銷(xiāo)標(biāo)記上面的大多數(shù)技術(shù)語(yǔ)言。但是有一個(gè)標(biāo)示卻讓我頗為迷惑，于是我叫過(guò)銷(xiāo)售商，問(wèn)道：‘混合脈沖D/A變換器’是什么意思?它的意思是，她說(shuō)，這個(gè)機(jī)器能夠讀CD碟上加碼的數(shù)字信息，將它轉(zhuǎn)換成聲音信息-也就是說(shuō)，轉(zhuǎn)換成音樂(lè)。換句話(huà)說(shuō)，這個(gè)CD唱機(jī)能夠播放CD碟。正是如此。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：他們?nèi)佳退懒?/strong>

　　The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch(故障) arose over the fee, and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was completed, the patron(贊助人，主顧) was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact, the picture was just one daub(涂抹，涂料) of brilliant red.What's this? exclaimed the purchaser. I asked for the Red Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.That's it, replied Hogarth.But, where are the Israelites?They are all gone over.Where are the Egyptians?They're all drowned.

　　一天，有人請(qǐng)這位偉大的畫(huà)家畫(huà)一幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫(huà)剛開(kāi)始不久，酬金就出現(xiàn)了問(wèn)題?；舻纤拱l(fā)現(xiàn)，完成這幅畫(huà)后，他只能得到他想要的大約一半的錢(qián)。當(dāng)作品完成之后，那位主顧被請(qǐng)來(lái)看畫(huà)。其實(shí)，這幅畫(huà)不過(guò)是胡亂涂抹的一片鮮紅。這是什么?那位買(mǎi)主喊了起來(lái)。我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。這就是，霍迦斯回答說(shuō)?？墒且陨腥嗽谀膬?他們都已經(jīng)渡過(guò)去了。埃及人在哪兒?他們?nèi)佳退懒恕?/p>

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：The ability of the Kangaroo

　　The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?" "I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.

　　動(dòng)物園為剛引進(jìn)的袋鼠建了一個(gè)特殊的八英尺高的圍墻。但是第二天早上，人們發(fā)現(xiàn)這動(dòng)物在圍墻外面蹦跳著。于是圍墻高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來(lái)。動(dòng)物園經(jīng)理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍墻高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來(lái)。一個(gè)長(zhǎng)頸鹿問(wèn)袋鼠：“你認(rèn)為他們會(huì)把圍墻建到多高?” “我不知道，”袋鼠說(shuō)，“如果他們繼續(xù)開(kāi)著大門(mén)，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：Only One Instance

　　Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:

　　″I have known many an instance(實(shí)例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″

　　一個(gè)星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的幾封信。他打開(kāi)其中一封,發(fā)現(xiàn)信中只寫(xiě)著“傻瓜”兩個(gè)字。

　　他平靜而認(rèn)真地把這件事告訴教友們：“寫(xiě)信時(shí)忘了簽名的人,我遇到過(guò)很多,但只簽了名卻忘了寫(xiě)信的人,我還是頭一次遇到。”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：誰(shuí)的兒子最偉大

　　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."　　The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."

　　"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.

　　" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

　　四位牧師的母親聚到一起談?wù)撍齻兊膬鹤印?ldquo;我的兒子是個(gè)教士，”第一位母親自豪地說(shuō)道，“他進(jìn)入房間，人們都說(shuō)，‘您好，閣下’。”

　　第二為母親說(shuō)：“我的兒子是位主教。他進(jìn)入房間，人們都稱(chēng)，‘您好，大人’。” “我的兒子是位紅衣主教，”第三位母親接著說(shuō)，“他走進(jìn)房間，人們都說(shuō)，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　　第四位母親略思片刻。“我的兒子身高六英尺十，體重三百磅，”她說(shuō)，“他要是走入房間，人們都說(shuō)‘哦，我的上帝’!”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑小笑話(huà)：Three pastors 三個(gè)牧師

　　Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(閣樓) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

　　Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(鐘樓) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.

　　The third said, I baptized(洗禮) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!

　　三個(gè)南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯。其中的一個(gè)說(shuō)道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來(lái)臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走。”

　　另外一位說(shuō)：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請(qǐng)人把整個(gè)地方用煙熏消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走。”

　　第三個(gè)牧師說(shuō)：“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會(huì)的一員......從此一只也沒(méi)有再回來(lái)過(guò)。”