簡單英語小笑話

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的簡單英語小笑話，希望大家會(huì)喜歡!

　　簡單英語小笑話：心不在焉的老師

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”

　　有一天，人們看見一個(gè)有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走，他的一只腳一直踏在街溝里，另一只腳踩在人行道上。 一個(gè)碰見他的學(xué)生說： “晚安，老師。您怎么了?” “啊，”這位老師回答說：“我想我離開家的時(shí)候還挺好的，可是現(xiàn)在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已經(jīng)一瘸一拐走了半個(gè)小時(shí)了。”

　　簡單英語小笑話：新老師

　　George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

　　9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問。“媽媽，我不喜歡，因?yàn)樗f3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。”

　　簡單英語小笑話：One Side of the Case 一面之辭

　　A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.

　　"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.

　　"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.

　　"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."

　　一位法官問我們這群修補(bǔ)陪審員是否有人應(yīng)當(dāng)免權(quán)。一個(gè)人舉起了手。

　　“我的左耳聽不見。”那人告訴法官。

　　“你的右邊耳朵聽得見嗎?”法官問道。那人點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。

　　“你將被允許加入陪審團(tuán)，”法官宣布。“我們每次只聽一面之辭。”

　　簡單英語小笑話：Now I have two skunks in there

　　"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"

　　"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."

　　Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.

　　"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"

　　“我們的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打電話的人對(duì)警察調(diào)度員尖叫道。“我們怎樣才能把它弄出來?”

　　“弄一些面包屑，”調(diào)度員說;“從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到后院。然后將地下室的門打開。”

　　一段時(shí)間后，那人又打電話打了回來。“你們將它弄出來了嗎?”調(diào)度員問他。

　　“沒有，”打電話的人答道，“現(xiàn)在那兒有兩只臭鼬了。”

　　簡單英語小笑話：唯有我是司機(jī)

　　A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.

　　"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "

　　"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus.

　　在一輛滿載乘客的公共汽車后面，一位小個(gè)子青年在奔跑著。氣車仍在高速前進(jìn)。 “停下吧，”一位乘客把頭伸出窗子，對(duì)小個(gè)子喊道，“你追不上的!”

　　“我必須追上，”小個(gè)子氣喘吁吁地說，“我是司機(jī)!”

　　簡單英語小笑話：Akimbo (叉腰)

　　Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蟬). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻擋) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意識(shí))her blame, replied at ease(從容): " I' m akimbo."

　　像大多數(shù)別的小孩一樣，兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛洗手，吃東西弄臟手，隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便習(xí)慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想干什么?”她馬上意識(shí)到問題所在，從容答道：“我叉腰。”

　　簡單英語小笑話：借公牛一用

　　Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.

　　One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.

　　After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.

　　從前，有個(gè)人很富有，但他不識(shí)字。

　　一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛，便寫了個(gè)條，讓仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會(huì)兒，然后說道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告訴你的主人，我馬上自己過去。”

　　簡單英語小笑話：一切都正常

　　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.

　　You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?

　　Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

　　一對(duì)年輕夫婦有個(gè)兒子，已經(jīng)四歲了，還沒有開口說話，他們對(duì)此深感焦慮。他們帶他去找專家診治，但醫(yī)生們總覺得他沒有毛病。后來有一天早上吃早餐時(shí)，那孩子突然開口了：媽媽，面包烤焦了。

　　你說話了!你說話了!他母親叫了起來。我太高興了!但為什么花了這么長的時(shí)間呢?

　　哦，在這之前，那男孩說，一切都很正常。

　　簡單英語小笑話：不會(huì)犯兩次同樣的錯(cuò)誤

　　Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

　　Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

　　男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會(huì)過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。

　　女孩：應(yīng)該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯(cuò)誤。

　　簡單英語小笑話：音樂家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么

　　In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"

　　"To be deaf," replied the boy.

　　"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.

　　"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

　　在一次音樂學(xué)院的入學(xué)考試中，老師問其中一個(gè)男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么?"

　　"耳聾，"男孩答道。

　　"胡說!"老師氣憤地說。

　　"怎么了，先生!難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個(gè)聾子嗎?"男孩輕蔑地反問道。

　　簡單英語小笑話：醉酒 Drunk

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

　　"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀!”

　　簡單英語小笑話：a neuropathy

　　Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ...

　　有一個(gè)神經(jīng)病，不知道從哪里弄來了一把手槍，他走在一條小黑胡同里。突然遇上一個(gè)年輕人，神經(jīng)病二話不說將其按在地上用槍指著他的頭。問道，一加一得幾。年輕人嚇壞了，沉思了很久?；卮穑扔诙?。神經(jīng)病毫不猶豫的打死了他。然后把搶拽在懷里，冰冷的說了一句，你知道的太多了…