下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的三則經(jīng)典趣味英語(yǔ)笑話，希望大家喜歡!

　　經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話：臨時(shí)改變主意

　　Frank and Fred had received their draft notices on the same day, and neither wanted to enter the army.

　　法蘭克和佛烈德兩人同一天收到召集令，兩人都不想去服兵役。

　　But Frank had heard that the army would nct accept anyone without teeth, so they both had all their teeth pulled.

　　但法蘭克曾經(jīng)聽人說軍中不收沒有牙齒的人，因此他們兩人都把所有的牙齒給拔掉了。

　　On the day of their medical exam, Frank and Fred got in line, but a huge, hairy, smelly truck driver cut in between them.

　　在體格檢查那天，他們兩人排在同一排隊(duì)伍，可是有一個(gè)大塊頭、滿身毛發(fā)而且臭味難當(dāng)?shù)目ㄜ囁緳C(jī)插在他們中間。

　　As Frank got up to the head of the line, he announced to the inspecting sergeant that he had no teeth.

　　當(dāng)法蘭克排到隊(duì)伍的前頭時(shí)，他對(duì)檢查的班長(zhǎng)說他沒有牙齒，

　　The sergeant had Frank open his mouth, ran his forefinger over the raw gums and said,

　　那名士官要他張開嘴巴，接著用食指在他紅腫的牙齦繞了一圈后說道：

　　"Sure endugh, you don’t. You’re rejected. "

　　“沒錯(cuò)，你沒牙齒，不用當(dāng)兵!”

　　Turning to the truck driver, he asked, 'What's your problem?"

　　接著輪到卡車司機(jī)，士官說：“你有什么問題嗎?”

　　The trucker said, "I've got a tremendous case of the piles. "

　　卡車司機(jī)說道：“我患有嚴(yán)重的痔瘡。”

　　The sergeant had the fellow bend over, inserted his fore finger and rotated it around thoroughly,

　　班長(zhǎng)要那個(gè)家伙彎下身去，用他的食指在肛門轉(zhuǎn)了一整圈后說道：

　　"Sure enough, you've got a bad case. Rejected!"

　　“沒錯(cuò)，你的情形很嚴(yán)重，不合格!”

　　Turning to Fred, the sergeant demanded, "And what's your problem?"

　　再來輪到佛烈德，班長(zhǎng)又問：“那你的問題是什么?”

　　Staring at the forefinger, Fred replied, "Nothing at all, sergeant, nothing at all. "

　　凝視著他的食指，佛烈德答道：“沒什么問題，班長(zhǎng)，我一點(diǎn)問題也沒有。”

　　經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話：把褲腳塞在你的褲腳去

　　The untried general faced battle the next day, and was more than a little frightened.

　　一位未曾有過作戰(zhàn)經(jīng)驗(yàn)的將軍非常惶恐，因?yàn)榈诙鞂⒂袀€(gè)戰(zhàn)役要面對(duì)。

　　Seeking inspiration, he looked into the history of great commanders and learned that Wellingtonhad always dressed in red for battle,

　　為了尋找靈感，他翻查了歷年來偉大將領(lǐng)的檔案，發(fā)現(xiàn)威靈頓將軍每次戰(zhàn)斗中都身穿紅色衣服，

　　so that his men would not realize if he were shot.

　　萬一他被射傷的話，他的士兵也不會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)。

　　Instantly he called in his adjutant and ordered a pair of trousers in a rich, dark brown.

　　于是他傳了副官進(jìn)來并指示手下做了一條深褐色的褲子。

　　經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話：頭腦要保持冷靜

　　A young man was working in the produce section of a grocery store when a customer asked him for half a head of cabbage.

　　有一個(gè)年輕人在一家雜貨店的農(nóng)產(chǎn)部門工作，一天一位顧客要向他買半顆包心菜

　　"Sir, we don't sell half heads of anything. "

　　“先生，我們東西都沒有賣半顆的。”

　　"Well, I insist; 1 0nly want half a head. "

　　“哎呀，我就買半顆，我只要半顆。”

　　"I'll ask the manager. "

　　“我要問問經(jīng)理才行。”

　　The young man walked to the manager's office and, not realizing that the customer had followed him, said to the manager,

　　那名年輕人走到經(jīng)理的辦公室，不知道那位顧客尾隨著他，他對(duì)經(jīng)理說道：

　　"Sir, some asshole wants to buy just half a head of cabbage. "

　　“經(jīng)理，有個(gè)渾蛋只要買半顆包心菜。”

　　Turning and noticing the customer, he quickly added,

　　他轉(zhuǎn)身發(fā)現(xiàn)那名顧客，立刻又補(bǔ)充說：

　　"And this gentleman wants the other half. "

　　“而這位先生要買另一半。”

　　Later, the manager took the young man aside and said,

　　稍后，經(jīng)理把他拉到一旁說道：

　　"That was quick thinking, young fellow. We can use bright lads like you. If I hear of a higher position opening up, I'll keep you in mind. "

　　“年輕人，你反應(yīng)真快。我們需要像你這么聰明的人，如果有較高的職位空缺，我會(huì)記得你的。”

　　Sure enough, a few weeks later the manager told the young man that an assistant manager's spot had become vacant in the company's store in Edmonton.

　　幾個(gè)星期之后，經(jīng)理告訴那名年輕人在艾得蒙敦分店有個(gè)襄理的職位空缺。

　　"Edmonton!" blurted out the young man. "Why, there's nothing in Edmonton but hookers andhockey',event)">hockey playersi"

　　“艾得蒙敦!”年輕人叫了出來，“那兒有的只是妓女和曲棍球選手而已。”

　　"Young man , my wife happens to come from Edmonton! "

　　“年輕人，我太太剛好來自艾得蒙敦!”

　　"No kidding, sir; what posltion does she play?"

　　“真的嗎?經(jīng)理，那她是打哪一個(gè)位置呢?”